June Cloud of The Month Winner!July 5, 2010 11:00 pm 1 Comment
My Story . . .
The first Mark Schultz song I remember hearing is “He Will Carry Me.” I was driving home with my one year old son in early 2005 and my husband was going to be out of town for a few days. It was a very dark night, I was feeling very scared and alone, and not looking forward to the next days of being a single parent. But first, I better start at the beginning of the story.
After my son was born on September 1, 2003, I went through several weeks of post-partum depression and anxiety. It was a very scary time for me, and even though I was seeking help, nothing seemed to be working. My doctor started me on an antidepressant at about two weeks post-partum, but waiting the additional two weeks for it to take effect were agony. Every minute felt like and hour and I would feel a surge of fear through my body practically every time I moved. To make matters worse, my husband was working very long days at the time, so I was left at home with our baby son feeling just awful. I wondered if my son, whom I had been so excited to meet, could ever forgive me. I had never felt so hopeless in my life.
In was in these two weeks of waiting for relief that I went to our local mall one afternoon for some time by myself. It didn’t seem to be helping, as my anxiety and cloud of depression followed me wherever I went. I decided to get something to eat, even though I wasn’t hungry. As I sat down with my meal, I silently begged God to help me once again, and to help me turn my condition to good.
I will never forget that moment. I am sure I had felt God speak to my heart before and have since, but I probably have given my own self the credit for the thought at the time. I have no explanation for this moment, however. The words, “It was then that I carried you” were spoken in my heart. I was familiar with the “Footprints” poem, but had not seen it nor thought about it in years. There was only one place it could have come from–the One to whom I had been begging for help.
The next weeks were still difficult, but so much fear, hopelessness, and anxiety were gone as I repeated His words to myself over and over again each day. I knew His arms would never let me go.
Now, let’s fast forward to that Mark Schultz song. There I was, driving down a dark country road, listening to KLOVE, and “He Will Carry Me” came on. I remembered the words God had spoken to me just months before and knew He was using Mark’s music to do it once again. It gave me the strength to get through those days until my husband returned home. I knew that no matter what I faced, God would always be with me. It is still one of my favorite songs.
And . . . there’s more. That spring, we found out we were expecting baby #2. All was going along well until the ultrasound at 20 weeks. I knew something wasn’t quite right, as the technician didn’t say much as she did her measurements and only said that my doctor would go over it with me. When my doctor arrived, my fears were confirmed. She was concerned that two things–cysts on my baby’s brain and a bent pinky finger–could be signs of a chromosomal condition. The room spun. I wanted MY mom. My husband and I numbly signed permission for an amniocentesis and then we waited for the results, which would take about two weeks. My thoughts constantly raced between, “What if this baby dies?” and “What if this baby lives with a severe condition?” for those days in between. One night my husband and I were driving and I could hear “He’s My Son” in the background on the radio. I had heard the song before, but it hadn’t pertained to my life until then. I prayed a silent prayer that God would protect this baby, even though we did not know if it was a boy or a girl. Praise God, just a few days later, my doctor called on a Sunday afternoon to tell us she had good news. The tests had all turned out normal. And–we were having another son.
I have had so many favorite Mark Schultz songs since then–“Remember me, when you pray and tears of joy fall from your eyes” always reminds me of that phone call when we heard that our Nathan (which means “Gift from God”) was going to be born healthy, a gift we truly could never deserve. I love “I AM,” as it reminds me that God is in all and IS all. The list really goes on and on–especially ones with lyrics from God’s point of view. I am a Mark Schultz fan through and through and was so blessed to attend his Fargo concert last fall with Point of Grace.
Thank you, Mark. I hope you know how much you have meant to this wife and mom these past years. My husband and I now have three children, and we all love to crank up your music and dance in God’s unending love for us. Keep up the awesome work!
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This post was written by oddmotion