July Cloud of The MonthJuly 29, 2011 1:47 pm 3 Comments
What Mark Schultz’s Music Means to me
My name is Laura. I was raised by a mother who suffers from mental illness. Neither myself, my sister, nor my brother knew this until we became adults. Growing up in the 60’s and 70’s, this was not something that was discussed openly or addressed clinically and we didn’t know that our lives were not “normal.” Our childhoods were peppered with instability, abuse, and neglect. Several years ago, my sister had the courage to come forward and declare that there was something wrong and she needed to take some time to heal her wounds. As a result of her coming forward and our attempts to address the issues with our mother, she sent me a note stating that we had all let her down and attempted suicide. Fortunately, she was not successful. After seeking the counsel of my pastor and a Christian counselor, I attempted to open a dialog with my mother about my own childhood memories. I told her I wanted to talk through them with her so we could build a stronger relationship. The response I got was that our relationship was broken beyond repair and she asked me to leave her alone. It sounds strange, but even when you are in your 40’s, it stings beyond belief to realize that your mother does not love you – and that you are such a disappointment that she wants to end her life and/or wants you out of it. That is such a sacred relationship that when it’s ripped from you, it feels like the earth shifting beneath your feet.
God called me when I was in my 20’s. It is this relationship that has enabled me to get through these tough times. I know that regardless of the fact that my mother is incapable of loving me – or anyone, my Heavenly Father loves me. One of my favorite forms of worship is through music and I have particularly embraced Contemporary Christian music. Mark is one of my favorites because of his honest style, biblical foundation, and great story telling. I have a fairly extensive library on my computer and nights when I can’t sleep, I put in my earphones and listen to the soothing words and uplifting music.
There are many songs written by Mark that speak to my heart. One that I’m listening to right now is “He Is.” God is everything to me and this song states that so clearly. “Broken and Beautiful” is another song that touches my heart. I’ve shared a glimpse of my childhood and the issues that needed to be faced. Very few people know this. I have what appears to be a successful life. I’ve been married to a wonderful Christian man who is my best friend for 16 years. I have a successful career. I’m active in service and Christian study. I was not able to have children because of a battle with cancer when I was in my 20’s, but that’s the only outward blemish. So I go to church each Sunday and I look like a model Christian. Inside I am truly broken… and beautiful.
One night during the darkest time of struggle with my relationship with my mother, when I couldn’t sleep, as usual, I plugged myself into my music, pulled up my Christian song list and hit shuffle. The first song that played was, “He Will Carry Me.” I felt as though God was speaking directly to me through this song. Since then, this song has become almost a theme song for me. It brings me such comfort.
Thank you, Mark, for your gift of music. It is truly a blessing from God. God’s love is so powerful, all we need, and that is so clearly communicated through your music.
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This post was written by oddmotion