August Cloud of The Month Winner!!

September 1, 2010 9:14 pm Published by 5 Comments

I am writing to tell the impact Mark Schutlz’s song “He Will Carry Me” has had on my life. Looking back over the last two weeks from when I first heard it, it amazes me how much a song could change a person’s life. To give some background, on February 3rd of this year, my mother was driving my twin sister and I (we are 26) home from a shopping trip to an out of town bookstore, a trip we’d been saying we’d make for over a year. We had just settled in for the drive home on the freeway, not fully accelerated to the 65 mph speed limit, when a man committed suicide by stepping in front of our car. In the pitch black at 8:10 at night, with no road lights, deep ditches, and tall fences on either side, this man should not have been there. It was obvious a car was coming. He died almost instantly, if not. All the emergency personnel: the EMTs, the CHP officers, the fire fighters, and even the tow truck driver, told us it was not our fault. Not one person laid the blame on us.

I knew God had a hand in protecting us when we all walked away. We all got scratches from the flying glass, my mom’s hand had some glass embedded in it from him coming through the windshield and pressing the glass into it and my sister hit her knee hard enough to give her issues to this day, but WE STILL WALKED AWAY. My mother was driving and she remembered something her high school driver’s ed teacher had told her: hit it straight on, swerving can only make it worse. Who remembers something like that? My mother saved our lives because of her reaction. It was surprising how many people told us God let it happen for a reason, but I don’t believe that. I’m convinced God could not stop this man from ending his life, so he stepped in and protected us. I can almost visualize his hands cupped around the three of us.

I know I will never forget this event, this man, or how much damage a person can do when faced with a vehicle. I have suffered from depression, anxiety, and insomnia since high school. I was in a downswing with this took place. After the first two weeks it took for the shock to wear off and for this to sink in, I was more depressed than I have ever experience. I have a strong, supportive family and I feel I must mention that I have not once contemplated suicide-I’m a sleeper. When I get depressed, I sleep. I had several things to deal with-it was my idea to go out of town to the book store since my town no longer has one; Mom wanted to leave, but we convinced her to go to one more shop; and most importantly, I couldn’t protect them. After we pulled over, I had them stay in the car while I got out to meet the CHP officer (who had miraculously arrived no less than thirty seconds after our car stopped). I came back and told them it was okay to get out of the car; I will never forget the looks on their faces as they walked toward me. The mixture of shock, fear, and confusion coupled with the short lines of blood coming from the cuts will haunt me forever.

As I said before, I first heard this song only a couple weeks ago, which left me in a deep depression for five months. I did not want to go anywhere, I did not want to do anything, I hardly had the energy to get out of bed and make it to work every day. I tried therapy and have yet to find a therapist. July 13th, I made a facebook comment about giving up and my mother sent me an email, urging me to get help. That day I started listening to KLove. On my way home from work that night (I get off after 12am), KLove played “He Will Carry Me”. If it wasn’t so late, I would have pulled over. It was like every line was me speaking to God. I was as low as I ever had been and did not know how I was going to climb out.

When I got home, I found a video on YouTube that used Mark’s song and listened to it over and over and over again. I must have sat there and played it 20 times that night. The next day, which was the start of my weekend, I went to The Carpenter, my local Christian store. I found a WOW cd with “He Will Carry Me”, than, while browsing the books, was asked if I needed to help. I told my story to the worker and she helped direct me to books that would most benefit me. And she gave me a hug. I found several books that I am currently working my way through. It has been two weeks and I feel infinitely better. My mother even told me after one week, what a huge difference she could make out.

I have to tell you how grateful and thankful I am that Mark’s song was on the radio that night. I was losing direction and was ready to give up the fight. “He Will Carry You” turned my focus back to God. I know it has only been two weeks, which seems like such a short time to some, but I know that this is not a passing fancy. The accident is going on to be a short 6 months in a few days. Not a day goes by that I do not think of him, his family, and what he has done to mine. But as my sister says, we will not let him win by taking our hopes, joys, and faith. There is a reason that we survived. For a while, I was consumed with philosophizing why. After hearing a story on KLove, I would be content with knowing that this happened only to make my faith stronger. Maybe my family needed a wake up call like this to let God into our lives more than we have been. We have always done our best to obey the law and be good citizens, but I know we can use more of Christ in our lives.

I’m not involved in the forums; I only came to the website to share my story with Mark and the people behind his site and to thank him for singing a song that I will never forget. I hope to some day see Mark perform in person.

Always,
Valerie W

(The first photo is of my mother and my sister. The second is a photo of meĀ and my sister.)

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